My current obsession

I have a whole bunch of posts half-written, half-thought, half-planned. I have reviews to type up, posts about back to school (or nursery school and playgroup), posts about the cuteness that is Rosemary, posts about the disobedient stubborn wilfulness that is Rosemary, posts about my daughter coming home and calling me ‘Maman’, not through any of my efforts to help her be a linguist like her mum, but because she watched some Muzzy episodes at my mum’s, posts about how I wish the summer holidays had been less about foisting Rosemary on my (very willing) mum and more about doing fun things together… and probably a meme or two.

But… none of this will come out, because my every waking moment these days is filled with my conviction that Eleanor is going to arrive early. Very early. For the first time, pretty much since her conception, she is overtaking other things and people in my head. About time, I suppose. But I can’t help wondering if this worry isn’t a little unhealthy. Could I actually bring on an early birth through worry?

So… here is the evidence:

• Rosemary was early (36+5), which means there is a slightly higher chance that Eleanor will be too. Very slight.
• I had some early contractions (very mild, but regular) at the start of July (also had early contractions with Rosemary).
• I had a show last night. Which really doesn’t mean much at all. Rosemary arrived within a week of my show. Some women don’t have (or notice) a show, some have it shortly before labour and some have it weeks and weeks before labour. Sometimes the plug can even reform and break up multiple times.
• I’m fairly certain she has engaged now. Yes, I know, I said that a few weeks ago and was wrong. But this time, the bump shape has changed and my muffin top is back. The first time my muffin top made an appearance was when Rosemary engaged. My midwife told me it would go away after the birth – huh! The last month or two is the first time it’s gone away, because the bump has been big enough and round enough to disguise it, I suppose. So… maybe I’m right this time. Even if I am, that also doesn’t mean anything. While it is more common for babies to engage shortly before labour in second and subsequent babies, there are plenty that do so well before the birth.
• I had a sudden nesting urge today. Couldn’t get motivated to work (deadline not close enough!) and instead had the need to go and clear out drawers in Rosemary’s wardrobe for Eleanor’s clothes to go and dig out Rosemary’s old blankets. I almost put the baby clothes Chris got down from the loft the other day in the washing machine, but Rosemary came home then. Oh and I wrote a hospital bag list. OK. Maybe that doesn’t count as nesting.
• My scalp is itchy. Oxytocin gives me an itchy scalp. I spent more than two years breastfeeding Rosemary and scratching my scalp to shreds (not quite – but not far off) every time I did. Oxytocin levels increase before labour. Don’t they? Or maybe it’s just during labour.
• I knew Rosemary was going to be early. I knew she was going to arrive during the week when all my emergency drivers were on holiday, as was my sister (second birth partner) and my midwife. I had my show and knew she was engaged and knew she was going to arrive within that week. To the point where I gave Eva an envelope with the train fare to get her back here, because I thought she would need to rush back. And I was right. Of course, that’s probably hindsight. I was probably convinced 50 other times during the pregnancy. I just remembered that particular time, because I was right. I am convinced Eleanor is going to arrive in August. I have been for a while, though I’ve been hoping that’s not the case, because that would be too early. She would probably be fine, but she would definitely need to spend time in SCBU. I feel like I am as convinced as I was with Rosemary. I’m seeing signs in every little thing (look up at all that). I am more convinced since the show and, if I were a betting woman (well, other than the lottery), I’d be putting my money on Sunday 30 August. Oh and my midwife is on holiday.

So… there you go. This is what is going on in my head at the moment. This is what I’m binging (doesn’t sound quite the same as googling, does it?). This is a lot of what I’m tweeting about (that and how little sleep I’m getting most nights). This is what I’m talking about in Facebook status updates. This is what is taking me to the October Antenatal club on Babyworld more than I’ve frequented it through the whole pregnancy. And now this is what I’m blogging about.

I think you may be lucky to see anything different here before this little girl arrives, whether it’s on Sunday, at 37 weeks, at 40 weeks or at (please, no) 42 weeks. Sorry!