Monday 9 March 2009

The bumpy road that is early pregnancy

I don’t do pregnancy very well (I’m not brilliant at getting pregnant or giving birth either, but that’s another story, or stories). I’ve had an ectopic pregnancy, a miscarriage, a termination (a story I may tell one day) and just one successful pregnancy, so far. With R, I had had three scans already before my 12-week scan: one to check for ectopic, which I have to have every time I am pregnant; two because of bleeding. I had a number of other bleeds during R’s pregnancy and other scans to check on placenta position, as well as one because of early (non-Braxton Hicks) contractions. I was on crutches for the last month I the pregnancy due pelvic pain. And R was born about 4 weeks early.

This morning I had my second scan of this pregnancy so far. I’m only at 8 weeks. I’ve been feeling very sick since only a few days after peeing on the stick and very tired as well. Fairly standard early pregnancy symptoms, though ones which I’d mostly forgotten about. On Friday I didn’t feel sick at all, and had a fair bit of energy. Cue panic and manic trawling of baby sites to find out when ‘morning’ sickness is supposed to stop. Not yet. I talked myself out of worrying, though. Until the bleeding started on Saturday morning.

I called the maternity unit and a midwife called me back with an appointment for a scan this morning and instructions on what to do if the bleeding got worse (out-of-hours doctor or 999 if it’s life-threatening). Then I spent the weekend in bed, seemingly having been hit by some virus or another. Completely exhausted, weak, achey, shivery, though no temperature. Yet still no nausea. The bleeding continued, though didn’t get worse. When not asleep, I fluctuated between being convinced that I was miscarrying and reminding myself that I had bleeding in early pregnancy with R and she was fine (she had spent much of Saturday morning showing me just how fine by climbing all over me, pulling my hair and so on!).

On Sunday, after a lie-in, courtesy of C, the bleeding stopped and I started feeling sick again. I don’t think I have ever felt so relieved to feel sick. It’s a quite debilitating symptom of early pregnancy that no-one enjoys having, but I practically jumped for joy. I felt much better in myself and the nausea was kept at bay by intermittent glugs of fizzy water and handfuls of Kettle Chips (Sea Salt and Balsamic Vinegar are the only ones that do the trick). I allowed myself to hope and even voiced those hopes to C (usually I keep my fears bottled up and rarely share them with anyone else).

This morning, after R had given me my first full night’s sleep in I don’t remember how long, I trundled off to the train station with a skip in my step. The chill winds of early spring blew the cobwebs away and I thought that maybe, just maybe, all would be well.

It was. Baby still there. Heartbeat still there. Dating at least 8 weeks (12-week scan will be more definitive). The midwife booking-in appointment is fixed for this coming Sunday and it looks like we might make it. I should probably fill in my notes, now.

14 comments:

  1. Hello, try -sea bands- (travel sickness wrist band thingies) for the morning sickness.you can get them in Boots(other chemists available(hang on are you in the UK?))i had them on morning noon and night for about 4 months.it helped alot. hope all is well.

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  2. Poor you. The anxiety of early pregnancy is the worst of the symptoms, I think. But perhaps it serves a purpose in making us more grateful for our babies when they do come. Hang on in there.

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  3. Oh Tash, you poor thing. It's all very well hundreds of people telling you that 'they had bleeding and it was all find' but of course that doesn't help at the time. You must have been so worried. I'm wishing these early weeks away for you, and hope that soon you're able to relax a bit. So, with that in mind, I hope you feel really really sick for ages ;)

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  4. SO hoping that you have no more bleeding and also that you don't have to rely on feeling sick to let you know that you are okay! What a state of affairs!
    Glad your SO is letting you have some rest. Your toddler certainly won't. That's the hardest thing about the second pregnancy - no time or space to rest!

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  5. Stefanie: Thanks, I will take a look. I remember someone swearing by them last time, though I didn't suffer as badly then, so didn't look for them.

    Iota: You may be right, yes. I had bucketloads of bad experiences last time, but when I finally got to bring R home, everything floated away and became completely unimportant. And I would have happily gone through a lot worse, to have her.

    MTJAM: Thank you for the nausea vibes!

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  6. Motherhood: Thank you. Yes, as I was walking home from visiting a friend yesterday, carrying a rucksack of shopping on my back and a toddler on my shoulders, I recalled those easy days last time, when my sister would carry my shopping home for me, and I would have naps in the middle of the day. So not going to happen this time.

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  7. Congratulations! I know that it doesn't help when you are nervous about your pregnancy to hear from others that it will all go well. I wish I could send you tons of confidence and good feelings but unfortunately I can't, only you can build this up. Give that little baby and yourself a good chance and take each day as they come. Don't rush ahead, worrying for tomorrow is worrying about something that is not happening. Try this: every time you feel the worry is building up, take a time out, sit down, close your eyes. Put your hands on your tummy and send lots of love to the little bean. Tell the little bean how much you love him or her and try to focus on the here and now. Sounds a bit wacky? You have nothing to lose with trying. I recommend this to the ladies I follow in antenatal coaching and most of them say that it really helps turning off the worry. I sincerly hope this can help you. Contact me off line if you want a private chat. Take good care of yourself and little bean, and lots of hugs to you

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  8. Poor you. Whenever I read blogs about how hard other people's pregnancies are I feel as though I was the luckiest person on the planet with mine. Put your feet up and eat more crisps for a while. That should do the trick

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  9. You poor thing, it all sounds very unpleasant. I had bleeding early on with my daughter and I remember the panic that resulted and all the hoping and praying that the emergency scan I needed as a result would be okay. Like you I found she was still there. Your post brought a tear of relief to my eye. It's not easy is it?

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  10. Peggy: Thanks for that. Interestingly, I already do something similar (put hands on belly and say 'It's OK.' or 'It's going to be fine. Don't worry.'). It does help a bit, I think. I'm in a much more positive space at the moment, because it's happening pretty much like last time, which all worked out well in the end! So I'm working on assuming the best at the moment (that is my default position on most things; pregnancy is the only time I really worry properly). Anyway, thanks again.

    HOM: Thank you. Kettle Chips were on special offer yesterday, so I bought 2 large bags!

    Rosiescribble: It's not easy, no, but it does seem like there are lots of people who go through it and come out fine the other end, which is something to keep in mind. (Sorry to bring back any bad memories.)

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  11. Congratulations... I hope it all goes well! This is the worst time because we need the most support and feel awful but aren't supposed to tell people. I have everything crossed!

    I felt nauseous for ages, and obviously when it stopped I worried what it meant. It's funny how it quickly becomes comforting and a confirmation that things are okay.

    Green and Blacks ginger comes higly recommended :~)

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  12. Thanks, NMSOM.

    Oooh, an excuse to eat chocolate - sounds good to me!!

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  13. On the subject of pelvic pain, have a look at Mother at Large's blog. She has recently done a post all about how you can seek help for pelvic pain in pregnancy, having been a sufferer herself.

    I know it's early days, but it might be a good thing to investigate in advance of need.

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  14. Iota: Thanks. I've been reading her blog for a couple of years, now, actually, well before delving into blogging myself! I've read the links and am probably going to give the Oxford place a call to see if there's anywhere reasonably local I can go for a consultation or something. I've had a few little twinges already and I know that it's often worse and starts earlier in subsequent pregnancies. The good news is that my midwife does know what it is and, while she's not an expert, she should be more sympathetic to trying to get treatment on the NHS.

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